Hi, Im the owner of the red truck, with the plastic toolbox in the bed that you decided to break into on St Patricks day. First off, let me say this. Fuck You. I realize that a plastic toolbox isnt really that hard to break into, i mean ive done it when i needed in there and forgot the key. But thats different because i own the motherfucker. Its mine, im allowed to do that. So, thanks for sucking every bit of joy out of the holiday, and the suprise birthday party for my friend.
To be honest, I really dont care about the leather jacket you stole. I mean i liked it, and all of the cigarette smoke had probably aired out by the time you relieved me of it, but it was kind of a cold rainy night. Im sure life on welfare doesnt afford you the kind of money to buy a jacket of your own. Actually, can you even get on welfare? I dont think you can seeing as how you arent even supposed to be in the fucking united states. In that case life must really be rough, what with barely having enough money for a 12 pack of tecate and some tejano cassetes. I guess maybe your survival instincts kicked in and you couldnt pass up a warm leather jacket. Its kept me warm on many motorcyle trips, maybe it will serve you well while you sit on your porch, drinking beer and leering at the white girls that are unfortunate enough to walk by on the way to their apartment. Im really pissed about the tools you stole though. See, those were given to me by my dad. He is in a resthome now, and has alzheimers so bad that he doesnt even know who i am. So you can understand that those tools had tremendous sentimental value. For that, you may Eat shit and die. You showed less respect for my property than your no doubt unknown dad showed your tequila-swilling, gutter-slut, cum-dumpster of a mother in the back alley trick that undoubtedly led to your conception. I have spent my life decidedly pro life, but you are certainly a compelling argument for the advantages of abortion. im sure you dont know this, but in Texas deadly force is legal in the defense of property, so i sincerely pray that the next person you burglarize happens to discover you, and happens to be armed. I think a brand new bullet hole would do you a world of good. I also had a cop friend tell me that a person may use force to prevent the consequences of theft. So not only does that mean that i am legally able to fuck your shit up if i ever see you jacking with my stuff again, it also means that if i ever see you walking around that apartment complex in my jacket, or with my tools, i can also fuck you up until police arrive to find out why you are in possesion of stolen property. Boy i cant wait for winter. Or for you to have a flat tire. I still remember what my tire iron looks like…..i have imagined it many times lodged firmly at the base of your skull. Oh yeah, that jack you took doesnt work, so heres hoping you find yourself with a flat on a deserted highway. I only wish i knew someone who could translate this into espanol so you could know how much i fucking hate your ass. Once again, Fuck you.
Sincerely
Pissed off Gringo
Monday, March 31, 2008
Things i dislike right now
1. Soccer moms + cell phones + driving. Every near death experience ive ever had on my motorcycle has been at the hands of this volatile combination. Odd how you can take three things that are pretty awesome on their own, put them together, …and almost die. Could you please get off the phone long enough to realize that you almost just fucking killed me?
2. Youth Pastors. Not all of them, just the ones who are more concerned with being Hip, and cool than they are with being a man.
3. Hybrid cars. I dont hate the idea per se, but why do hybrid cars have to look like a …hybrid car. Its like its more a a fashion statement for treehuggers. “Im going to drive this ugly fucking car because i love the environment more than ANYTHING!” I really dont want to drive something that looks like it should be weaving down an alley in europe somewhere. Its not that i dont care about the earth, its that hybrid cars look like ass. Why cant they make a hybrid that looks like a 58 Impala?
4. Political pundits. No. One. Cares. About. What. You. Think. Also, Get Fucked.
5. Pop music industry. Guess what. Britney blows and she always has.
6. Modern country music. I want to YAK every time i see a fiddle player in leather pants. Oh, and tim mgcraw, your buddy kenny chesney doesnt count as “the cowboy in me”. Honky Tonk Badonkadonk?? Cowboy hats, crunk cups and fur pimp coats?? Tom Petty hit it right when he said country groups now are just bad rock bands with a fiddle. I wish George Jones and Merle Haggard would get on the sauce and KICK YOUR FUCKING ASSES.
7. Rain. Yeah i know its “important”, but im trying to ride my motorcycle, and rain hurts at 60 MPH. So for that Mother Nature, Fuck you.
8. Smart ass college kids. You might be attending university, but youre still a fucking child. And you dont know shit about shit. You would sound alot more intelligent with your mouth firmly closed.
9. Tom Cruise. I thought you were really cool when i was a kid, and you were in Top Gun flying F14s around. I didnt even mind when goose got killed because of you. How did you go from feeling the need for speed, to being the scientology version of Jerry Fallwell? I hate you.
10. Hillary Clinton. You are a lying, cheating, opportunistic whore. Your birth is proof that some people just shouldnt be allowed to fuck. How stupid do you think people are? You cant just make outrageous shit up because it sounds good. Thats not called mis-speaking…..its called a fucking lie and you know it.
2. Youth Pastors. Not all of them, just the ones who are more concerned with being Hip, and cool than they are with being a man.
3. Hybrid cars. I dont hate the idea per se, but why do hybrid cars have to look like a …hybrid car. Its like its more a a fashion statement for treehuggers. “Im going to drive this ugly fucking car because i love the environment more than ANYTHING!” I really dont want to drive something that looks like it should be weaving down an alley in europe somewhere. Its not that i dont care about the earth, its that hybrid cars look like ass. Why cant they make a hybrid that looks like a 58 Impala?
4. Political pundits. No. One. Cares. About. What. You. Think. Also, Get Fucked.
5. Pop music industry. Guess what. Britney blows and she always has.
6. Modern country music. I want to YAK every time i see a fiddle player in leather pants. Oh, and tim mgcraw, your buddy kenny chesney doesnt count as “the cowboy in me”. Honky Tonk Badonkadonk?? Cowboy hats, crunk cups and fur pimp coats?? Tom Petty hit it right when he said country groups now are just bad rock bands with a fiddle. I wish George Jones and Merle Haggard would get on the sauce and KICK YOUR FUCKING ASSES.
7. Rain. Yeah i know its “important”, but im trying to ride my motorcycle, and rain hurts at 60 MPH. So for that Mother Nature, Fuck you.
8. Smart ass college kids. You might be attending university, but youre still a fucking child. And you dont know shit about shit. You would sound alot more intelligent with your mouth firmly closed.
9. Tom Cruise. I thought you were really cool when i was a kid, and you were in Top Gun flying F14s around. I didnt even mind when goose got killed because of you. How did you go from feeling the need for speed, to being the scientology version of Jerry Fallwell? I hate you.
10. Hillary Clinton. You are a lying, cheating, opportunistic whore. Your birth is proof that some people just shouldnt be allowed to fuck. How stupid do you think people are? You cant just make outrageous shit up because it sounds good. Thats not called mis-speaking…..its called a fucking lie and you know it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)