If you wear ed hardy...

then you are gay. You are basically saying "I have such little regard for a dollar that i will pay 150 bucks for a half ass copy of a sailor jerry printed on a tshirt." Yeah, a fucking t shirt you idiot. You just paid a shitload of cash for a tshirt that isnt cool. Congratulations. I guess Ed hardy shirts do provide a service though. They immediately point out where all the douchebags are in the bar. And the ones that arent wearing ed hardy are dressed up in affliction, or gathered around the golden tee game like a bunch of retarded apes flinging their own shit at each other.

Texas Country

Is there any music more horrible? It used to be called Texas music, which was even more derogatory toward our great state. Why on earth would you take music that isnt good enough to even be a part of the shit nashville is spewing out, and label it as being from texas? Texas music is waylon jennings, buddy holly, toadies, janis joplin, lyle lovett, Stevie Ray Vaughan, don henley, butthole surfers, blind lemon jefferson, Roy orbison, bob wills, willie nelson, billy joe shaver, pantera, kings x, scott joplin, freddie fender, george jones, the winter bros (edgar and johnny), flaco jimenez, gatemouth brown, JP richardson ( the big bopper), leadbelly, Tbone walker, junior brown, ......do i need to continue?

Lets stop putting a texas label on the hack country assholes whose music stinks worse than my nutsack's nutsack. youre welcome.

B.H. O'Bama

Well, i really would have liked to have been able to vote for you. How great would it have been to have voted for the first black president. Such a milestone. I just couldnt out of principle. See i happen to think your policies are total horse shit. I think youre a closet socialist. I think you are the cure for Liberty. I think you dont have the first clue how to run a country any direction other than in the ground. I think youre a pussy.

Thats not to say that there arent some positive things that could come out of your presidency.

1. Given that you could not have been elected without the support of white america, minorities should throw away the race card. Its hard to claim racism when the most powerful man in the world is Black. However they wont. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and everyone else who has made a living off of race will continue to do so. Thats a shame.

2. Finally, young black males have an articulate, educated, successful role model that they can look up to instead of Homie Bling Bling and the Ghetto Fab Warriors. But they wont. They will continue to buy into the "white man owes me a living cause some people i never knew were slaves" bullshit that race baiters love to sell. I mean they dont look up to Denzel Washington or Bill Cosby, why would they look up to you. Tragedy.

The problem is, that any positives that could come out of your presidency will not be recognized by those who should.

I fear that you will stomp freedom in the name of Government provided security.

I dont want your security. I want the right to keep myself secure. Im not some gun crazy, militia redneck, but i have been in a hairy situation once or twice. I own a gun or two. You send your boys to come for them, im just telling you now they will get the business end first.

You want to raise the Capital gains tax. Interesting that in this shaky economy, the stock market took a big fat shit the morning after you won the election. Probably because all the folks who keep the stock market running have no desire to invest because they know you intend to tax the ever loving fuck out of them.

You want to use executive orders to reverse some of the oil drilling that Bush opened up. Gas by my house just dipped to 1.99 a gallon, but youre going to fix that arent you?

I think you arent the least bit different from what Americans announced to the world they were fed up with on 7/4/1776

I honestly hope you prove us all wrong. And by all of us i mean the 48% of the country who didnt vote for you. But i have to say....

If you are the answer, it must have been a stupid fucking question.

Things have been really pissing me off lately, so i thought i would address them with a simple list of Fuck Yous.

Fuck You David Letterman. Man youre much funnier than leno...er at least you were until you decided it was your job to fellate Barack Obama every chance you got instead of being witty.

Fuck You congress. The only job in the world where youre employer can give you a 6% approval rating and you dont get fired. 76 percent of americans were against the Bail out, but you voted for it anyway. And the Dow keeps falling....Arent the majority of you bastards in the House of REPRESENTATIVES???

Fuck You Barack Obama. Take your socialism to europe you Ivory tower elitist prick. This is america, where hard work is rewarded, not fined. Oh and let me beat your dirt diggers to the punch...I have shitty credit, and unpaid parking ticket, and in 8th grade i stole a book from the library. So dont think youre going to fuck me over like Joe the Plumber. Im a veteran so as far as im concerned, you dont even get to sit at the same table as i do.

Fuck You Democratic Party. Al Gore was a little bitch, John Kerry was a little bitch, and Obama is a whiney little bitch too. Your party has become the party of Pussies.

Fuck you Republican Party. McCain is the best youve got?.....Really?

Fuck you Keith Olbermann. Go back to sports. Your estrogen driven, redfaced political babble has turned you into the liberal Bill Oreilly. Youre the guy that smart people laugh at. Republicans and Democrats alike. Idiot.

Fuck you AIG. The ink isnt even dry on the bailout check, and all you execs spend nearly a half million dollars on a spa weekend. The collective taxpayer asshole hasnt even stopped bleeding from the congressional ass rape we got thanks to you, and yall are out getting your fucking nails done. You can all go straight to hell. I absolutely mean that.

Fuck you american populace, for standing idly by and allowing this to happen. For giving up Liberty, so that government can guarantee your happiness.

For those of you voting, let me encourage you to vote AGAINST whoever is in office. I dont care if youre republican and the challenger to the incumbent is democrat, or vice versa. Its time to send a message to these assholes. We need to remind them that they exist because we allow them to govern us. Not the other way around.

Dear American Public

I hate each and every one of you.

From the brainwashed Obamaites who cant tell me one thing about what he plans to change and instead just tell me im stupid because i dont like the guy, to the over aged, over weight moms who still dress like their thirteen, to the LOLing, OMFGing BRBing, WTFing morons who kill the english language a little more everyday. All of you.

If i have to look at one more shirt with some witty saying like "you say im a bitch like its a bad thing" stretched across some thirty somethings silicone aided tits im going to yak. Also, it IS a bad thing.

The next person that answers their unsilenced phone in the theatre and has a conversation while im watching a movie...i swear to god i will rip that phone off your face and throw it as far as it will go.

Somewhere, somehow, someone made you belive that you were the center of the universe. They fucking lied.

I realize that you are probably too juiced up on your eighteen dollar caramel macciato triple expresso cup of faggotry to understand that im talking to you...but indeed, i am.

Do everyone a favor and stop dry humping your iPhone long enough to realize people exist outside of your fucking contact list, and you are pissing all of them off. And not for any reasons worthy of pissing another person off. I realize that you and millions of others believe that youre being such and individual walking down the street in your oversized shades, 200 dollar jeans and earbuds firmly inserted so you dont have to hear anything other than prefab pop stars. You buy what commercials tell you to, you listen to what radio tell you to, and you probably think reality shows are.....reality. Maybe one day you will realize that your head is so far up your own ass that the lump in your throat is your goddamn nose. Youre talking on the damn phone, taking up two lanes of traffic, alternating between 20 under the speed limit, and 20 over, but when you almost run me off the road to make your exit, you honk and give me the finger like IM the asshole.

Lucky for you im a lover, not a fighter. Also, im totally lying. Im a fighter. Fuck with me and see what happens.

So..lets see, what can i bitch about today? So the big five oil companies had to go before congress again this week. I watched them before the senate on c span the other night and heres what ive learned. The oil companies believe we need to open up the coasts and other protected us lands for drilling, in order to bring down the price of gas. Then they later admitted that they buy oil on the world market, so it seems that even that wouldnt be a guarantee of lower gas prices. Oil prices have risen 400 percent since 2002, yet exxon/mobil has seen their profits continue to rise from 11 billion in 02 to 40.3 billion just last year. Man, if theres another industry where your cost of raw materials can increase that much and a company can still increase profits..i certainly dont know what it is. Oil executives stated that demand for gas has gone down 2% already as a result of gas prices, yet the price per gallon INCREASED 12 cents at the gas station right next to my house just this week alone. Whatever happened to supply and demand? Is it just me, or are these guys defying every basic principle of business? Demand goes down, yet prices still rise. Cost of production goes up, and they still make more profit each year. Sorry but i just have to ask....what the FUCK is going on?

I dont care that the oil companies make 40 billion, hey its a free market society over here. Its not an issue of how much they profit. But when they admit demand is down, and prices still go up 5 to 10 cents every damn week, that makes me think something very shady is going on. It flies in the face of logic. Now dont get me wrong, the government is nowhere near blameless. They have profited more than any oil company. I think everyone, including oil companies are over taxed. And we probably should open up some more areas in the us to oil exploration. The saudis are not the least bit dependent on foreign oil, and as a result, a gallon of 95 octane gas over there costs about 61 US cents. Thats right, cents.

I think it speaks alot about the sheer greed of some of these companies who are completely willing to sling this country deeper into another recession all so they can charge One. More. Dollar. A gallon. All for money they dont even need. The vice chairman of exxon/mobil admitted making 12 million dollars. some of the other guys couldnt even say for sure what they make. So does anyone believe they feel the sting of $4 a gallon gas?

The news now says that gas could reach 6 bucks a gallon because of an active hurricane season. What the hell happened to 5 dollars they were predicting last month? Heres something else i think is total bullshit. Why does every little thing drive up the price of oil? North Korea does some nuclear testing, oil goes up. We shoot at an iranian boat, the price of oil goes up. Hurricane in louisiana, oil goes up. Why is it the prices never go back down once the reason for the increase has passed. Oil, and gasoline went up after katrina, supposedly because of refineries that were offline, yet once we all got used to the price of gas, it stayed right the fuck there. Interesting how that works isnt it? OPEC, and all the other oil entities can get fucked. I dont know if it is coming, but i hope the oil market tanks just so i can see every last one of those greedy fucks out of a job.

On a lighter note, I skipped the american idol finale, because...well american idol is a crock of shit. I did however watch carrie underwoods performance from the finale on youtube at the suggestion of a friend. Notice i said watched and not listened. Nice to see ol carrie "Jesus take the wheel" underwood sluttin it up. Her songs arent worth a crap..but those legs! I said dayum. Romo the homo is an idiot for losing that one.

OH, and to david cook the winner. I hope you were crying because your career and "rocker cred" have gone down the shitter after winning. Otherwise you are a tremendous quivering vagina.

oh yeah

I forgot to put one thing on that list...

NASA. If there is a bigger waste of money, i dont know what it is. Sorry, but i dont think the government should be spending 100 billion dollars just to lauch a shuttle into space so that a few astronauts can see how lima beans grow in a weightless environment. They need to invent me a light saber real fast or id scrap it and privatize the whole thing. They would be responsible for maintenance of sattelites and what not. This private company can sell space billboards or rides to the fucking moon, i dont care, as long as they do their job.

Im Running for president

Im going to run for president. In an effort to gain your vote...let me tell you who i am and what i stand for. I am a veteran. I am a christian. I believe in the constitution. Exactly as its written. I tell the truth to the best of my knowledge. I might make a mistake, but I dont "misspeak". I believe politicians are egotistical, back biting, sneaky pocket padders. How many politicians are wealthy? I mean like....top one percent of american income wealthy? I make 31000 dollars a year(before the govt takes 30% of it). How, exactly, does a millionaire politician represent me in any way? 30 percent tax doesnt really hurt you when you make more money than 99% of everyone in the country....so here are my fixes.

No career politicians. Term limits will be enforced on every federal position, from congressmen to supreme court judges. Hope you have some other life skills.

Federal Welfare? Not anymore. Cant take care of all the kids you have?...dont know who the baby daddy is?... Tough shit. I refuse to make the responsible members of this society pay for your stupidity. Need a handout?....well maybe the churches will start stepping up and doing thier job. If not, well..there will be alot of job openings when....

Illegal immigrants? Deported. No ifs ands or buts. Dont get me wrong...we welcome all people who want to be a part of this great nation. But there is a process, and you will follow it. Yeah its kind of a pain in the ass....but it helps us to know who the fuck is in this country so we can watch out for, I dont know, planes flying into buildings. Im not even sure we will have to deport you. Under my adminstration, fines for employing an illegal, or renting housing to an illegal will be so hefty, they wont want to risk it. So your only choices will be stay and starve, or sneak back out the way you came in. There will be hordes of people who were formerly dependent on welfare who will take the jobs you vacate.

Ill make a new law...it will be the law of 51%. Got a law that you hate?...well gues what? Get 51 percent of america to agree with you and its gone. I intend to add one more branch to the system of checks and balances...now it will be Legislative, Executive, Judicial, and People. The people are who this government actually serves, so i intend to give you the power to say "oh hell no" just to keep our elected officials in check.

Oh, legislators, you also dont get to vote yourselves pay raises anymore. Now...i havent decided how you will be paid. Either you will get a government paygrade like every other government employee, or ill let america vote on your pay raise....well it wont be YOUR payraise... because any politician holding office at the time of the payraise will not be eligible to recieve it. Hey the guy who replaces you will sure enjoy it though.

Im not going to raise taxes. You already pay too damn much, and im going to get together with some finance whizzes, and were going to get to work trying to figure out how to get americans paying less taxes. Its going to mean alot of government bullshit has to go. We are also going to start requireing some serious accountability from countries that recieve foreign aid. Also, countries that have un ambassadors that owe thousands of dollars in parking tickets...were going to need that paid....like yesterday. You can have them pay it personally, or you can make it one of your government expenses...but it wont be ours. While youre a guest here....you WILL at least park legally. Keep in mind you may not be here long....as im not sure the US will remain in the UN once i am president. If thats the case, youre going to need to find a new place to meet...thats prime real estate and im sure the city of new york would like to use it for something that is actually productive.

Were also going to go back to the constitution for every question. Right after we repeal the 17th amendment. Senators will go back to being appointed by state governments so they can act in the interest of that states concerns. That also means that every law that isnt the governments business will be repealed. So all you state and local governments that have decided you have the right to tell business owners wether or not they can smoke...well you never had that right so get ready to lose it...

It will not be the governments responsibility to save you from yourself. If you want to drive without a seatbelt, or ride a motorcycle without a helmet, or smoke inside the bar youre drinking at.....go for it. If it isnt illegal to cram McDonalds down your neck 5 days a week..i see no reason the other shit shouldnt be legal as well.

Gun laws are gone.....You may not agree with that...but its in the constitution so there isnt anything to argue about. Hell, put a pistol in your pocket if youre going to the bad part of town....i sure would. Oh, and if youre precious baby boy got his ass killed while trying to rob or rape someone....you probably should have spanked him more. Regardless, you wont get to sue anyone about it. Not the gun makers, not the person who shot him..NO ONE.

It will also not be the governments job to legislate your churches agenda. On that note....the legality of prostitution will be left to the states decision... I suggest you regulate it, and get those hoes paying taxes like everyone else. Then you can make it illegal to solicit on the streets....use craigslist of ebay or some shit like it. Hell the damn yellow pages. Use your police to fight real crime, not a moral taboo. Let the church take care of morals. Oh, and ministers and church organization are going to have to start releasing their financial records to the public annually...if you want the tax exempt status of a non profit organization....i intend to make sure that you stay non profit. I would suggest parishoners pay ministers the national average salary. They shouldnt mind...they are there to serve the lord and not get rich right? Oh and christian lobbyist groups..youre probably going to be gone...i think it is a conflict of interest witht he 1st amendment.

We will probably stay in Iraq for a while...but dont worry....iraq made a shitload from their oil production last year, so they are gonna start paying us back. We will also set up a list and timeframe for Iraq to accomplish certain goals on its way to governing its self. Our soldiers are our soldiers, not theirs. They will meet these goals, or we will ship all the troops to A-stan and comb every inch of the fucking tora bora till we find that osama is either dead, or we make him that way. If iraq degenerates into a terrorist stronghold....well...i guess we will go back. And we will some swinging. There will be no politically correct rules of engagements this time. We will come to fight a war....and we will come to win.

Thats really all i can think of right now.....look forward to seeing you on the campaign trail!

Coming to America.

So, the pope is coming to america. Put me under the list of folks who dont give a shit. Im sure hes a well meaning guy, but i get annoyed at all the people who act like its the second coming of jesus christ himself. Hes only a man. A US muslim group has declined to take part in an interfaith meeting with the pope. Not too surprising from a religion based on "peace" and "tolerance". If i need to paint that with more sarcasm..let me know.

I thought this quote was funny, "Unease with Pope Benedict XVI's approach to Islam has led a U.S. Muslim group to decline joining in an interfaith event with him later this week."

I dont know about the pope...but islams approach to EVERYTHING bothers me. Maybe im wierd, but with people blowing shit up in every corner of the globe in the name of islam, they should be happy anyone wants anything to do with them at all. Much less a religious leader as revered as the pope.

In reference to the pedophilic breeding ground that is the catholic church, reuters reports "Pope Benedict said on Tuesday he was "deeply ashamed" over sexual abuse of children by priests and vowed to do everything possible to stop pedophiles entering the priesthood in future" and, "the Church will do everything possible in screening candidates for the priesthood 'so that only really sound persons can be admitted'".

Thats great, not sure why you werent doing that all along. I want to know what the church is gonna do about the boy lovers already filling their ranks. Will they kick them out of the priesthood? Or will they continued to me moved about, from parish to parish? Also, id like the pope to tell me why the hell Cardinal Bernard Law is currently taking refuge in the vatican? Law was the head of the boston archdiocese when the shit hit the proverbial fan. He testified in a deposition that he knew about 7 cases of child rape by one of his subordinates, and still he approved his transfer to another parish. Uhhh, WTF, over? The compete disregard for the safety of the children of his faith is deplorable, that he went to such great lengths to cover it up is criminal. He was subpoenaed, but abruptly resigned and moved to Rome, where he filled a number of roles, on of them being on the Pontifical Council for the Family, if you can believe that.

I personally think the US should prosecute Law, and demand that he be extradited from the Vatican so that he may stand trial. Until then, i have a hard time viewing the catholic priesthood as anything other than a meeting for NAMBLA Anonymous.

One more about American Idol.

Ok...so i watched most of the Idol gives back show on fastforward. Mostly because im not a fan of telethons. I also am not real big on watching multi millionaire celebs ask me for money. I am going to ask that Fox changes the name from "Idol Gives Back", to "Idol doesnt give shit, asks you to donate 30 mil, then only distributes a portion to charity". Seriously. Idol is raking in shitloads of cash, yet they get up and beg YOU to come up with 30 million. Cant american idol inc. kick in a paltry 50 mil....or maybe match dollar for dollar what the public donates. I have looked, and to my knowledge they dont. Also last year they didnt even give all the phone pledges to the charities.

I cant remember all the charities highlighted, but if you liked one, id encourage you to find that specific charity website and donate thru them, so Idol doesnt get a fucking dime.

Also, i really am not inspired to give when i see miley fucking cyrus and her has been pop waltz into a shack in kentucky with their overpriced clothing and hiar-dos. All i can think of is how big of an ass they look like. I couldnt give a shit about seeing the tool that is Daughtry singing a song to all the african kiddies, while a studio version of the song, complete with childrens choir is overdubbed on the video. I feel like its nothing more than a god damn photo op.

Except annie lennox. That woman was clearly moved, and her performance of "many rivers to cross" is easily the best performance of anything this season.

I suppose its ok that American Idol uses its reach to bring notice to worthy causes, but i dont know if i can support how they market the whole thing.....something really stinks if you ask me.

I hate watching sports

Its true. Ill keep up with the local teams, and i may even watch the big game, but my universe does not revolve around what time the Cowboys are playing. Nothing seems more pointless to me than spending a beautiful fall afternoon sitting in front of the tv watching football. Basketball is boring to watch, and watching baseball makes me want to remove my eyeballs with a spoon. In person, basketball is slightly more entertaining, but after about 3 innings of baseball im exploring the stadium, looking for all the places to buy beer. Golf is beyond gay. I watched tiger woods bitching once because someone took a picture using a flash while he was getting ready to take his swing. Im sorry, i thought you were a professional. If a hockey goalie can catch a piece of frozen rubber, or a baseball player can smack a baseball moving 100 mph while fans are screaming and all kinds of shit, i feel that you, as a Professional Golfer, should be able to hit a little ball that ISNT FUCKING MOVING! Its just sitting there. Golf is a waste of humanity, and golf players are spoiled yuppie babies. Ever notice how Golf courses are attached to a country club, and if they arent there is usually a dress code? Thats because golf is a sport...no..a game, for rich, overpriveleged fucktards. If you love golf and are offended,....its still true so tough shit. About the only sport for, and containing real men is hockey. How can you not love the only sport that still allows you to settle youre in-game disputes with a good round of fisticuffs? Meanwhile, you cant spike a football without getting fined, And then theres the whole "horsecollar tackle" bullshit...

For all you folks that block out your entire afternoon, make sure your team jersey is clean so you can wear it in your livingroom while you watch the game.....you are gay. I personally dont, and wont own a jersey....ive had some friends that have died in truly heroic fucking fashion, so youre gonna have to do something way more impressive than throwing a fucking ball for me to wear your name on my back. Thats just me. I can understand having one, and wearing it to the game,..or maybe to a superbowl party..MAYBE. But to wear it while watching the game by yourself, while youre family if off living life without you? Please. These are usually the same people who refer to the team as if they are actually on it...like "we have really got to get our defense together if were gonna get to the playoffs" No dipshit, "we" dont have to do a fucking thing because "we" arent on the team. "they" have to play and collect their retarded huge paycheck, and "you" have to get out of your fucking dreamworld and go to the office on monday morning. That way you can see who is ahead in the office fantasy football league. Talk about your "fantasy" players, on your "fantasy" team. Then go daydream at your desk about scoring with "fantasy" girls. Loser.

A little about me

1. Im extremely blunt. You say asshole, I say blunt.

2. People generally tend to underestimate my ability to not give a shit. Dont be fooled. Its not an act. The list of things i care about is limited to my family, my guitars, my motorcycle, cold beer, and what few friends i have. If it does not fall under one of the afore mentioned categories, you can safely assume that i dont care about it in the least.

3. If you tell me you have a boyfriend, the only thing that goes thru my mind is "what the fuck does that have to do with me". Heres a life lesson for ya. If you have a signifigant other, he is your responsibility, not mine. Dont get drunk, get all up on my nuts, and expect me to remind you that you shoudnt be doing this. I wont. On the contrary, ill take what you are handing out every time. On a side note, im generally the most honest person you will ever meet. But, if you ask me if i REALLY like you while im trying to get your top off....i will say yes. Its not really a lie, cause i like you enough to be there, but probably not enough to be there in the morning. Ill admit its misleading. Also, if your boyfriend finds out, and starts spouting shit about how hes gonna fuck me up, refer him to #2. He probably wont do shit anyway, because he is most likely a real douchenozzle, and thats why you were cheating in the first place.

4. No, I will not tell you war stories. It also doesnt matter wether or not ive killed anybody. Asking only pisses me off. I dont give a shit how many times youve watched blackhawk down, or how many war video games youve played. You dont know a God Damned thing about it. Shut your facehole and buy me a beer.

5. Im from Texas. Yes its better than where you live. Yes i wear boots. No, im not a cowboy. no, i dont like country music. Yes, "texas" country sucks gorilla balls.

6. I firmly believe that Fuck is the best curse word of all.

American Idol....go away please

For me, this show is like a bad car accident. The only reason i ever watch is to see how much more rediculous it gets. I still think that Kelly Clarkson is and will always be the best american idol. Because she won when american idol was still all about UNDISCOVERED talent. Now it seems like the show is full of record label failures. No wonder they fade into obscurity after the show.

Carly smithson who was on season 5 as carly hennesey, and infact still used her maiden name till late last year. She had a record out in 2001. Did i mention that Randy jackson was vice pres if A&R at her label. Her album sold under 400 copies. Yes, four hundred. She was shit canned from her label, because her album sold less than 400 copies. If you watch enough Idol, you will be able to see her blame it on everything from 9/11 to her record label "imploding". That implosion was actually a merger, only it happened 2 years after she got tossed from the label. She was also in Les Miserable at like age 9. Undiscovered? yeah.

Hmm, Kristie lee cook was signed to Arista Nashville, dropped, signed to a small indie label, dropped.

Michael johns was signed to a label with a band called film, but he fucked them over. Like leave the band, steal their songs and claim he wrote them kinda fucked over.

David archuleta was introduced to american idol producers in season 1, and was immediately shopped for a record deal. I guess they realized a good voice doesnt make you interesting. He also won star search at age 12.

I want some real undiscovered talent. People with no connections. Not people who have already proven that the public has no interest in them

Ever wonder how they pick songs? Well each week, they get a list of 50 songs, and they have to pick and learn 3. THen the producers decide which of the 3 they sing. Yeah thats right. So the next time you hear a judge say bad song choice...you can call bullshit. Remember this guy?




Well the producers didnt give him any of his songs. So they had to go back to the list. They just threw one at him, and it sucked. At least give the dude a chance to suck ass. Read about it here. http://www.etonline.com/news/2008/02/58917/index.html

Im not sure if it was always run like this. I kinda think it was probably a little less tainted in the beginning. who knows. I guess its like every other "reality" show.

A Breakthrough

Fad Diets. I can never figure them out, first its no carbs on the Atkins diet, then its the south beach diet, then Dr phils book even though he isnt thin. Yet somehow with all this dieting "technology"....americans are more obese now than ever. So im kinda starting to think that all this dieting and nutrition and no carb talk is really a bunch of bull shit. Actually i know it is. Do you remember the little nutrition pyramid from health class? The one thats been around since like 1898 when people were not by and large a bunch of lazy, entitled, fat fucks? Here let me refresh your memory....it looks like this......

HOLY SHIT!....look right there at the bottom....CARBS! OH my god this cannot be right. Obviously the FDA was mistaken.....i mean just look at how unhealthy people were before they had the knowledge of nutrition that we do now

Wanna know the truth? You arent fat because you eat too many carbs, or you have a thyroid problem, or metabolism issues. Youre obese because you sit on your fucking fat ass all day and play xbox, or watch oprah, or whatever the fuck you can think of to avoid having to physically exert yourself. Kids back then werent fat because they were outside playing, having stick fights, climbing trees, riding bikes, exploring the neiborhood, throwing rocks or dirt clods or cow shit at each other, instead of sitting in front of the fucking hi def getting gayulated by hannah montana or some other retarded bullshit. If they did spend some time in front of the tube, they were probably watching the lone ranger and tonto fuck some shit up, or if they are a little more recent, watching transformers battle decepticon, or gi joes fighting cobra, or one of a hundred other shows that today would do doubt come under fire for not being educational. But ill beg to differ on that one as well. yeah dora the explorer might teach your kid some fucking spanish, but who gives a rats fucking ass. They also have a character on that show called swiper. Wanna know what he does? He constantly steals shit! Yet no one ever does any kind of battle with the thieving little bastard. Nope, they let him steal whatever the fuck he wants, then have to stop whatever they were doing to find it again, all the while yelling "no swiper, no" What kind of lesson is that? Clearly he isnt moved my their non offensive, PC drivel, cause he still takes any fucking thing he pleases, and knows dora and her monkey wont do shit about it. See, Gi joes, transformers, and all those shows taught something that all the PBS and other shit never will. Good and evil. Right and wrong. Sometimes, you gotta stand up for the right thing, even it it means you might get hurt, or shot at with lasers.

"No, Megatron, No!"

Probably more effective when youre arm is a HUGE FUCKING CANNON

Well, alot has been accomplished today. I have single-handedly solved why americans are growing up to be both fat, and pussies. Ill just sit here and wait for my nobel prize.

An open letter to the illegal/illegals who stole my shit

Hi, Im the owner of the red truck, with the plastic toolbox in the bed that you decided to break into on St Patricks day. First off, let me say this. Fuck You. I realize that a plastic toolbox isnt really that hard to break into, i mean ive done it when i needed in there and forgot the key. But thats different because i own the motherfucker. Its mine, im allowed to do that. So, thanks for sucking every bit of joy out of the holiday, and the suprise birthday party for my friend.

To be honest, I really dont care about the leather jacket you stole. I mean i liked it, and all of the cigarette smoke had probably aired out by the time you relieved me of it, but it was kind of a cold rainy night. Im sure life on welfare doesnt afford you the kind of money to buy a jacket of your own. Actually, can you even get on welfare? I dont think you can seeing as how you arent even supposed to be in the fucking united states. In that case life must really be rough, what with barely having enough money for a 12 pack of tecate and some tejano cassetes. I guess maybe your survival instincts kicked in and you couldnt pass up a warm leather jacket. Its kept me warm on many motorcyle trips, maybe it will serve you well while you sit on your porch, drinking beer and leering at the white girls that are unfortunate enough to walk by on the way to their apartment. Im really pissed about the tools you stole though. See, those were given to me by my dad. He is in a resthome now, and has alzheimers so bad that he doesnt even know who i am. So you can understand that those tools had tremendous sentimental value. For that, you may Eat shit and die. You showed less respect for my property than your no doubt unknown dad showed your tequila-swilling, gutter-slut, cum-dumpster of a mother in the back alley trick that undoubtedly led to your conception. I have spent my life decidedly pro life, but you are certainly a compelling argument for the advantages of abortion. im sure you dont know this, but in Texas deadly force is legal in the defense of property, so i sincerely pray that the next person you burglarize happens to discover you, and happens to be armed. I think a brand new bullet hole would do you a world of good. I also had a cop friend tell me that a person may use force to prevent the consequences of theft. So not only does that mean that i am legally able to fuck your shit up if i ever see you jacking with my stuff again, it also means that if i ever see you walking around that apartment complex in my jacket, or with my tools, i can also fuck you up until police arrive to find out why you are in possesion of stolen property. Boy i cant wait for winter. Or for you to have a flat tire. I still remember what my tire iron looks like…..i have imagined it many times lodged firmly at the base of your skull. Oh yeah, that jack you took doesnt work, so heres hoping you find yourself with a flat on a deserted highway. I only wish i knew someone who could translate this into espanol so you could know how much i fucking hate your ass. Once again, Fuck you.

Sincerely
Pissed off Gringo

Things i dislike right now

1. Soccer moms + cell phones + driving. Every near death experience ive ever had on my motorcycle has been at the hands of this volatile combination. Odd how you can take three things that are pretty awesome on their own, put them together, …and almost die. Could you please get off the phone long enough to realize that you almost just fucking killed me?

2. Youth Pastors. Not all of them, just the ones who are more concerned with being Hip, and cool than they are with being a man.

3. Hybrid cars. I dont hate the idea per se, but why do hybrid cars have to look like a …hybrid car. Its like its more a a fashion statement for treehuggers. “Im going to drive this ugly fucking car because i love the environment more than ANYTHING!” I really dont want to drive something that looks like it should be weaving down an alley in europe somewhere. Its not that i dont care about the earth, its that hybrid cars look like ass. Why cant they make a hybrid that looks like a 58 Impala?

4. Political pundits. No. One. Cares. About. What. You. Think. Also, Get Fucked.

5. Pop music industry. Guess what. Britney blows and she always has.

6. Modern country music. I want to YAK every time i see a fiddle player in leather pants. Oh, and tim mgcraw, your buddy kenny chesney doesnt count as “the cowboy in me”. Honky Tonk Badonkadonk?? Cowboy hats, crunk cups and fur pimp coats?? Tom Petty hit it right when he said country groups now are just bad rock bands with a fiddle. I wish George Jones and Merle Haggard would get on the sauce and KICK YOUR FUCKING ASSES.

7. Rain. Yeah i know its “important”, but im trying to ride my motorcycle, and rain hurts at 60 MPH. So for that Mother Nature, Fuck you.

8. Smart ass college kids. You might be attending university, but youre still a fucking child. And you dont know shit about shit. You would sound alot more intelligent with your mouth firmly closed.

9. Tom Cruise. I thought you were really cool when i was a kid, and you were in Top Gun flying F14s around. I didnt even mind when goose got killed because of you. How did you go from feeling the need for speed, to being the scientology version of Jerry Fallwell? I hate you.

10. Hillary Clinton. You are a lying, cheating, opportunistic whore. Your birth is proof that some people just shouldnt be allowed to fuck. How stupid do you think people are? You cant just make outrageous shit up because it sounds good. Thats not called mis-speaking…..its called a fucking lie and you know it.