Im Running for president

Im going to run for president. In an effort to gain your vote...let me tell you who i am and what i stand for. I am a veteran. I am a christian. I believe in the constitution. Exactly as its written. I tell the truth to the best of my knowledge. I might make a mistake, but I dont "misspeak". I believe politicians are egotistical, back biting, sneaky pocket padders. How many politicians are wealthy? I mean like....top one percent of american income wealthy? I make 31000 dollars a year(before the govt takes 30% of it). How, exactly, does a millionaire politician represent me in any way? 30 percent tax doesnt really hurt you when you make more money than 99% of everyone in the country....so here are my fixes.

No career politicians. Term limits will be enforced on every federal position, from congressmen to supreme court judges. Hope you have some other life skills.

Federal Welfare? Not anymore. Cant take care of all the kids you have?...dont know who the baby daddy is?... Tough shit. I refuse to make the responsible members of this society pay for your stupidity. Need a handout?....well maybe the churches will start stepping up and doing thier job. If not, well..there will be alot of job openings when....

Illegal immigrants? Deported. No ifs ands or buts. Dont get me wrong...we welcome all people who want to be a part of this great nation. But there is a process, and you will follow it. Yeah its kind of a pain in the ass....but it helps us to know who the fuck is in this country so we can watch out for, I dont know, planes flying into buildings. Im not even sure we will have to deport you. Under my adminstration, fines for employing an illegal, or renting housing to an illegal will be so hefty, they wont want to risk it. So your only choices will be stay and starve, or sneak back out the way you came in. There will be hordes of people who were formerly dependent on welfare who will take the jobs you vacate.

Ill make a new law...it will be the law of 51%. Got a law that you hate?...well gues what? Get 51 percent of america to agree with you and its gone. I intend to add one more branch to the system of checks and balances...now it will be Legislative, Executive, Judicial, and People. The people are who this government actually serves, so i intend to give you the power to say "oh hell no" just to keep our elected officials in check.

Oh, legislators, you also dont get to vote yourselves pay raises anymore. Now...i havent decided how you will be paid. Either you will get a government paygrade like every other government employee, or ill let america vote on your pay raise....well it wont be YOUR payraise... because any politician holding office at the time of the payraise will not be eligible to recieve it. Hey the guy who replaces you will sure enjoy it though.

Im not going to raise taxes. You already pay too damn much, and im going to get together with some finance whizzes, and were going to get to work trying to figure out how to get americans paying less taxes. Its going to mean alot of government bullshit has to go. We are also going to start requireing some serious accountability from countries that recieve foreign aid. Also, countries that have un ambassadors that owe thousands of dollars in parking tickets...were going to need that paid....like yesterday. You can have them pay it personally, or you can make it one of your government expenses...but it wont be ours. While youre a guest here....you WILL at least park legally. Keep in mind you may not be here long....as im not sure the US will remain in the UN once i am president. If thats the case, youre going to need to find a new place to meet...thats prime real estate and im sure the city of new york would like to use it for something that is actually productive.

Were also going to go back to the constitution for every question. Right after we repeal the 17th amendment. Senators will go back to being appointed by state governments so they can act in the interest of that states concerns. That also means that every law that isnt the governments business will be repealed. So all you state and local governments that have decided you have the right to tell business owners wether or not they can smoke...well you never had that right so get ready to lose it...

It will not be the governments responsibility to save you from yourself. If you want to drive without a seatbelt, or ride a motorcycle without a helmet, or smoke inside the bar youre drinking at.....go for it. If it isnt illegal to cram McDonalds down your neck 5 days a week..i see no reason the other shit shouldnt be legal as well.

Gun laws are gone.....You may not agree with that...but its in the constitution so there isnt anything to argue about. Hell, put a pistol in your pocket if youre going to the bad part of town....i sure would. Oh, and if youre precious baby boy got his ass killed while trying to rob or rape someone....you probably should have spanked him more. Regardless, you wont get to sue anyone about it. Not the gun makers, not the person who shot him..NO ONE.

It will also not be the governments job to legislate your churches agenda. On that note....the legality of prostitution will be left to the states decision... I suggest you regulate it, and get those hoes paying taxes like everyone else. Then you can make it illegal to solicit on the streets....use craigslist of ebay or some shit like it. Hell the damn yellow pages. Use your police to fight real crime, not a moral taboo. Let the church take care of morals. Oh, and ministers and church organization are going to have to start releasing their financial records to the public annually...if you want the tax exempt status of a non profit organization....i intend to make sure that you stay non profit. I would suggest parishoners pay ministers the national average salary. They shouldnt mind...they are there to serve the lord and not get rich right? Oh and christian lobbyist groups..youre probably going to be gone...i think it is a conflict of interest witht he 1st amendment.

We will probably stay in Iraq for a while...but dont worry....iraq made a shitload from their oil production last year, so they are gonna start paying us back. We will also set up a list and timeframe for Iraq to accomplish certain goals on its way to governing its self. Our soldiers are our soldiers, not theirs. They will meet these goals, or we will ship all the troops to A-stan and comb every inch of the fucking tora bora till we find that osama is either dead, or we make him that way. If iraq degenerates into a terrorist stronghold....well...i guess we will go back. And we will some swinging. There will be no politically correct rules of engagements this time. We will come to fight a war....and we will come to win.

Thats really all i can think of right now.....look forward to seeing you on the campaign trail!